Have you ever gotten broken up with by a soulmate aka your best friend? If you haven't fell victim to this situation - I am forever happy for you. It hurts way worse then a guy breaking your heart because the friend was always present when the guys were shit. You half expect men to fuck up- so to speak, but your best friend? NEVER. At least I never thought a relationship I felt so close to could be viewed as disposable. EVER.
Have you ever felt disposable? It fucking sucks. I sincerely hope you never felt this way. To have the person you shared most things with, go from being the #1 in your life to completely non existent for no reason is one of the worst ways to experience the end of a friendship. Nothing happened, no big blow out, no fight.... just a manipulative situation that caused someone you loved as a sister to fall out of love with your friendship when you looked at it like a sisterhood.
This space came up at the same time that the rest of my life was complete chaos and crashing down around me. I was in a very vulnerable state. I had gotten in a car accident that prevented me from work, yoga, doing anything I love, supporting myself besides savings, freedom and I had finally left a 6+ year relationship. When I was moving from my previous home of 6 years, a dog attacked me. He bit my hands and dragged me, skinning my knees on the cement all the way to the sidewalk. IT was the most traumatizing few months of my entire life. And she left. It was obvious that it wasn't going to be the same, but I was determined not to accept that fate with our sisterhood. I was desperately grabbing hold of anything left that I felt safe with and was met with a cold shoulder. I was too invested to give up that easily and continued to try to find space in our friendship to grow until she admittedly said some unforgettable (not unforgivable) things.
I have been let down A LOT in my life by shitty best friends. In high school a group of girls who I was best friends with ostracized me, tormented me in the hallways and allowed other friends to yell obscenities at me down the hall way. All because I dated a boy one of them liked. They ganged up and hated me, trying to make my junior year hell. When I got my first apartment at 18 , the roommate I had allowed other old 'friends' into my bedroom to steal photography and posters off my wall. It wasn't just photography, it was my senior portfolio. While I was traveling the east coast, my roommate let them steal that (and who knows what else). You see, I've really grown away from the shitty friendships I used to be involved in. Grown past people and years later viewed them at the same state I left them at. It takes a lot for me to be open to that level of friendship with anyone.
I never got truly close with another woman like the relationships I had in high school until recently. It was only last year when I looked around and was 100% sure that the humans that surrounded me were there to stay. To lift me up from the bad parts of life, carrying each other through. It's weird how in the past year life has twisted and plotted an entirely different story line. The three people most present in my life last year are either no involved or traveling the world. (love you @jenajai+@youaremagick) and I am a completely different human being. I'm stronger from working past things that were meant to challenge me. I'm more intune with the relationships who have never strayed. This space has allowed me to realign with so many things, including myself. It allowed me to realize that life is a ticking clock, relationships are short lived and NOTHING lasts forever.
Be free to honor the inner strength and follow your path to least resisitance.
&& that you are never disposable, so change that tune love!