Releasing emotional blockages through Aerial Yoga

Releasing emotional blockages through Aerial Yoga

Imagine if we could fly with broken wings, imagine if the heart could shed it's skin. These are the lyrics that as I sat down to collect my thoughts on how Aerial Yoga has impacted me most since training, belted out of the speaker and they hold true. Aerial Yoga has peeled layers off of a heavy past when I didn't think I had time to feel. It has a way of uncovering pieces of you that you may have hidden away for a rainy day not realizing that day is today. Impacting my practice during the beginning of the Aerial YTT week, I realized there is no better time then now. 

I've been traveling a lot this year and one thing I'm really good at while traveling is being in the present moment. Letting go of anything except what is directly in front of me. Not allowing anything in my past affect my present moment. (for the most part anyways) In the moment I'm describing It's late March. I have stayed in air bnb beds more then my own this year. With traveling to new places comes lingering hidden hurt that I don't want to make "time" for. Things that may have happened before my travels or in between don't take precedence when I explore. They they the back road.

But there's no running from cocoon in aerial yoga. You can't hide from yourself when your that close to your truth. You can no longer tune out but inward as you expand and create a different variation of truth vibrating through your bones. It was in cocoon when I finally opened myself up to feel fully and was in the position to give my hardest truths the biggest hug. When my spine was on the earth and my feet lifted in the silk, I surrendered again. This moment it was letting go of heavy residual feelings and exploring healing. In yoga class I can get lost in the fast paced movement but with Aerial you have to feel through every part of yourself to explore the practice itself. Authenticity doesn't hide trauma it encourages it to peel the layer off of it to explore new depths of healing.  

Why it's best to be a multi faceted human BEing

Why it's best to be a multi faceted human BEing

& No, I'm not talking about crystals. To actually love every different part of yourself. Weather it be the Saturday night woman with a full face of makeup dancing at a club embracing the true fashionista side of herself or the girl in pigtails who listens to rap on her way to meditate in yoga the next morning. It is okay to embrace different parts of yourself simultaneously.

This is one reason why I never was too keen on labels. 

In high school I had several different styles that accompanied different times in my life, moods I was in and ways I want to express myself. That has never changed, I still find myself at 26 choosing between thrift store style or my Nordstrom's outfits. My closet is full of everything. I have really cute, high fashion dresses + rompers, festival and bohemian style clothing, thrift store finds ++ I have a knack for falling in love with sustainable fashion brands. Some days I wear all black and use eyeliner. Other days I get in my traveler mood, wearing nothing but Minnetonka moccasins and refusing shampoo for days. I embrace whatever I'm feeling fully weather it be fancy or funky. Comfy or creative.  These are all the creative parts of me that make me authentic. 

 Different parts of yourself don't have to be just style. I have friends who interchange yoga and boxing classes on Saturday mornings. Ones who pick and choose what they eat based off what they feel that month. Have tequila at 11pm and wheatgrass at 11am. Its BALANCE and being human. Listen to what you are curious about, new activities can reveal hidden talents, new lifestyle changes can create positive impacts on wellness. Listen to your body, listen to your mood. Don't inhibit your experience by trying to stay in a ridge way of life, that has never been too fulfilling.. has it. 

La Loba Rise

La Loba Rise

Sometimes when the moon rises, my wild comes out. I’m still learning to embrace my wild instead of suppress her as society expects. Let the creative energy soak not settle, stir not stand still. Feel everything fully. I’m making some really big changes in my everyday life that take an intense amount willpower.

I need routine, meditation, plant based lifestyle. I want to dance more and think less. Feel through my heart and let go fears. As I continue working through this limitless lifestyle, I feel all parts of my old life trying to pull me back. I am making space between people, places, opportunities and experiences to only let those meant for my highest + greatest good stay. I know that by letting go of my necessity to order a drink every single time I go out... I will be rewiring my brain. I know by consciously choosing to drink hot lemon water before coffee every morning that I am making a healthier choice. I know by making space for twice daily meditation, I am creating pathways. I've chosen to release any preconceived notions or expectations for any experience. Spirit creates anything greater then I could ever imagine, so just lay back and let the universe provide for you. Know that you are deserving of abundance and consciously be open to receive what is meant for you. You must consciously make the decision to make space. 

 

Let. Go. To. Let. Rise

How to Manifest your dreams

How to Manifest your dreams

For me, I have a set few things I do at all times in order to keep pursuing my best life and manifest my deepest desires into physical reality. 

1. I continually keep my thoughts clear, clean, positive, powerful and mindful when *thinking* in each moment. 

2. I honor the space between where I am and where I wish to be ~ allowing it to inspire me. By giving thanks for my present gifts - I am ensuring that my future dreams are supported graciously.

3. I make vision boards & specific wish lists... Internalize the dreams into this reality. 

4. Speak as if your dreams are already here, utilize the power of "forward" language and trust at what you are calling upon is going to happen if its in your highest and greatest good. 

 

 

 

and So, So, So, So many more... stay tuned for my blog posts in MANIFESTING MAY. 
<3

BFF Break ups

BFF Break ups

Have you ever gotten broken up with by a soulmate aka your best friend? If you haven't fell victim to this situation - I am forever happy for you. It hurts way worse then a guy breaking your heart because the friend was always present when the guys were shit. You half expect men to fuck up- so to speak, but your best friend? NEVER. At least I never thought a relationship I felt so close to could be viewed as disposable. EVER.

Have you ever felt disposable? It fucking sucks. I sincerely hope you never felt this way. To have the person you shared most things with, go from being the #1 in your life to completely non existent for no reason is one of the worst ways to experience the end of a friendship. Nothing happened, no big blow out, no fight.... just a manipulative situation that caused someone you loved as a sister to fall out of love with your friendship when you looked at it like a sisterhood. 

This space came up at the same time that the rest of my life was complete chaos and crashing down around me. I was in a very vulnerable state. I had gotten in a car accident that prevented me from work, yoga, doing anything I love, supporting myself besides savings, freedom and I had finally left a 6+ year relationship. When I was moving from my previous home of 6 years, a dog attacked me. He bit my hands and dragged me, skinning my knees on the cement all the way to the sidewalk. IT was the most traumatizing few months of my entire life. And she left. It was obvious that it wasn't going to be the same, but I was determined not to accept that fate with our sisterhood. I was desperately grabbing hold of anything left that I felt safe with and was met with a cold shoulder. I was too invested to give up that easily and continued to try to find space in our friendship to grow until she admittedly said some unforgettable (not unforgivable) things.

I have been let down A LOT in my life by shitty best friends. In high school a group of girls who I was best friends with ostracized me, tormented me in the hallways and allowed other friends to yell obscenities at me down the hall way. All because I dated a boy one of them liked. They ganged up and hated me, trying to make my junior year hell. When I got my first apartment at 18 , the roommate I had allowed other old 'friends' into my bedroom to steal photography and posters off my wall. It wasn't just photography, it was my senior portfolio. While I was traveling the east coast, my roommate let them steal that (and who knows what else). You see, I've really grown away from the shitty friendships I used to be involved in.  Grown past people and years later viewed them at the same state I left them at. It takes a lot for me to be open to that level of friendship with anyone.

I never got truly close with another woman like the relationships I had in high school until recently. It was only last year when I looked around and was 100% sure that the humans that surrounded me were there to stay. To lift me up from the bad parts of life, carrying each other through. It's weird how in the past year life has twisted and plotted an entirely different story line. The three people most present in my life last year are either no involved or traveling the world. (love you @jenajai+@youaremagick) and I am a completely different human being. I'm stronger from working past things that were meant to challenge me. I'm more intune with the relationships who have never strayed. This space has allowed me to realign with so many things, including myself. It allowed me to realize that life is a ticking clock, relationships are short lived and NOTHING lasts forever.

Be free to honor the inner strength and follow your path to least resisitance

&& that you are never disposable, so change that tune love! 

Gentle Reminders from Spirit

Gentle Reminders from Spirit

You are a magick maker in this world… Didn’t they tell you? You are made for far more things then just ordinary sunflowers my dear. You are here to inspire the collective by awakening the sleeping parts of humans. The everyday interactions you experience are something far more inspiring then any muggle could debate. The way the sky excites you or how when the wind brushes your cheek you innately know that spirit is speaking. Your made to listen to the inner parts of spriti without hesitation and lift others up as your find your way. Bring them back to the path of least resistance. You are a powerful force of nature in this grand scheme of universal plan. You are meant to move these mountains. YOU are meant to focus your awareness on what things you want to expand, nothing less. 

 

Couldn’t you guess? All the times you guessed something before it happened or allowed something deep within to guide your decisions. You are a powerful human. You are made of nebulas, cosmically creating your biggest dreams into existence. 

I will go to the volcano

I will go to the volcano

 

“Only 4x4’s can go up there!, He warned. “You have to fill up before ascending… so many people from the mainland run out of gas!” And “There’s cars stuck on the mauna from being inexperienced and flipping!”, were also common replies from locals of the Big Island in Hawaii to me as I excitedly told them my plans to make it to the Mauna. Feeling a little apprehensive, but confident in my souls calling to the Mauna (or volcano in Hawaiian), so I wasn’t allowing my psyche to be affected by it. When your soul calls to you deeply, you have to listen… and that’s exactly what I did. I understand the dangers, but I trust in my intuition and souls ability to lead me the exact places I need to go, to grow. 

    Excitedly nervous as I begun the journey upward, a full tank of course, and everything I needed for the day. (Or so I thought) As I began to drive, the scenery started to change. Starting with bright colored tropical flowers, huge banyan trees, foliage and greenery climbing up every wall of the Volcanos highway. Changing slowly by beginning to see more of the slate wall peeking through, less vibrancy throughout the variations of color and more subtle tones to accompany the jungle vibes. Now deep greens, grays, brown and purple with ancient, intense trees to accompany your already aseptically pleasing surroundings. Feelings as if I’m apart of the jungle, I see the sun peaking over the surroundings as I begin to see less but more open fields with bright yellows, oranges, browns. The air is colder now, I can sense the change in atmosphere. I begin to see in the distance fog come over the hills. The huge volcano walls cut out for the highway towering over me, reminding me how infinately small we are in this vast world of adventure. As I continued to ascend I was shook hands with the thickest fog I've ever driven through...Or so I thought.

After 2 hours of driving upwards, my GPS finally cued me to turn right… my anxiety was on full blast. The thoughts racing through my mind, “You can’t go up to the mauna without the 4x4… I must have went too far, I said psyching myself out”, “You SHOULD HAVE LISTENED, I heard echoed throughout my head”, and “TURN BACK BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE,”! Fear taking over at this point-completely blurring my vision at this point. Between blurry fears and straining to see past the even thicker fog I drive through a narrow, vertical, vertiginous road that is reminding me of driving up a wall. The road continued to taper as the fog thickened, my toes on the peddle, heel lifted, knee trembling, lip anxiously bitten down on…. There’s no turning back now. The road swiftly turns to the left while my fight or flight kicks on, “this is it,” I hear echoing throughout my brain, no turning back now. I remember the warnings echoing loud now even more curious if I should have listened… The road is going up straight, STILL...after 20 forking minutes, “ I MUST HAVE MISSED THE SIGN… I fearfully convinced myself. Continuing to ascend, the fog so thick theres no chance of seeing the road ahead...scared shitless at this point, I quiver in fear as I realize THERE’S NO TURNING BACK. I suddenly see a shape through the thickness only to realize a 4x4 must have gotten scared and pulled over to wait for the fog to disperse. I can barely breathe now, questioning my motives to experience this, I turn to the goddess of Hawaii, Pele, for guidance. “Pele, Please Help me. Keep me safe, allow me to know I’m Safe. Thank you. I love you.”, As I turned the music up in that moment, the song changed… “I will go to the volcano, melt my hear in Mauna Kea SNOW…” Medicine for the peoples lyrics were describing my EXACT MOMENT in time on the Mauna Kea adventure to my highest self. I couldn’t believe it as a wave of reassurance washed over me as I realized how held by the universe I truly was. I was and always will be protected all I have to do is ask.

Finally, I start to see signs for the Visitors Center, realizing I infact HADN’T gone too far without the proper vehicle, I exhaled for the first time that hour. I came up to the brown triangle building on the right, with the activists tent on the left, protesting the desecration of the sacred Hawaiian Mauna.  Still nervous from my near panic attack, I feel called to walk up to the white tent where Keoni was, he sensed my nervous energy and approached me with a warm energy. “I need a hug!”, Were the first words I could stammer out of my mouth as I brought myself to find comfort in his grounding energy. “Im from Ohio, and I never realized how fucking flat it was!” He laughed and said all was well, he understood. As I continued to calm he turned me around and for the first time I saw the incredible sight. That thick fog, infact wasn’t fog at all but clouds!  I was driving so high, I was driving THROUGH CLOUDS…. Unreal. He pointed to the left, to a Red volcano form, and educated me on Mauna Loa’s flowing lava, and how you could see the deep red from where we were standing on her sister volcano, Mauna Kea. Ready to embrace this entire experience now, I realize, that this this what I needed all along to grow. I didn't know it then but I was going to spend the night up there on the Mauna with the activists and it was going to profoundly change the way I travel. 

....TBC 

LaLoba  ~ Wild Woman

LaLoba ~ Wild Woman

The books I find the most fascinating are ones that describe the in-depth change happening deep within my psyche. The change you feel in your bones, the tingling on your palms and the subtle way the wind whispers messages in your ear. Intuition is in our nature. As beings we came from source. When we align with source, our intuition is heightened, our messages clear and our physical disturbances often until we step into that consciousness. Over the past few years I have been shedding layers. Masks covering me, first by family, then school, church, society... I have been releasing old patterns and allowing my spirit to decide whats best for me instead of through validation found within impactful situations. These masks have shunned me from my true self, the highest potential that my being has the opportunity to exists at. But not any more. I am understanding more each day how by speaking my truth I send ripple effects across the universe. Waking up gifts hidden deep within the napping minds of humans whom my words resonate with. I'm understanding that as gentle as I wish to be my opinion will always offend the sleeping. The passionate way I lead my life will spark courage in the hearts of others around me that wish to awaken. By having courage to share, I have the ability to inspire. There is a deep calling waiting to be awakened within all of us. Our innate intuition is inching closer to our parallel lives as we guide ourselves to make ripples across the universal truth. 

The next paragraph is taken directly from one of my favorite books. Deeply impacting my insight, Women Who Run Wild With the Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estes.

It symbolizes a form of empathic magic between a woman and her intuition. This is the thing that must be handed down from woman to woman, this blessed binding, testing, and feeding of intuition. We strengthen our bond with our intuitive nature by listening inwardly at every turn in the road. "Should I go this way, or this way? Should I stay or go? Should I resist or be flexible? Should I run away or toward? Is this person, event, venture true or false?

The breaking of a bond between a woman and her wildest intuition is often misunderstood as the intuition itself being broken. This is not the fact. It is not the intuition which is broken, but rather the matrilineal blessing on intuition, the handing down of intuitive reliance between a woman and all females of her lines who have gone before her. It is that long river of women that have seen damned. A women's grasp of her intuitive wisdom may be weak as a result, but with exercise will come back and become fully manifested.

...receptivity as in possessing immediate access to a profound wisdom that reaches down into women's very bones. 

Women Who Run Wild With the Wolves
Myths & Stories of the Wild Woman Archetype
Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Ph.D.

<3

Happy International Women's Day

Follow your intuition.. it is guiding you for a reason. 

xx

 

Illuminate from within

Illuminate from within

The women I admire didn't get that way because shit went right.

Truth is... it went wrong, a hundred different ways-on a hundred different days.

And they handled it. They didn't let failure be an option. They felt the fire ignite inside and didn't allow it to be dimmed. Illuminating from within 🔥

"Practice and all is coming." Sri K. Pattabhi Jois

"Practice and all is coming." Sri K. Pattabhi Jois

Titibasana, one of my favorite poses. 

One of those Asanas where you need your full wrist mobility and elbow strength to practice. Something that after my car accident in July I hadn't experienced.  It is November, four months of not being able to practice something I loved that had became a daily routine. It wasn't only a daily arm balance practice, but 15 minute morning handstand training and 4x weekly AcroYoga practice.  Patience is a virtue, and this time away from training has proved to be teaching me hard lessons of strength, patience, resilience and the importance of family. As I do my wrist strengthening and mobility exercises, I caught myself looking longingly at this beautiful photo and part of me doesn't even believe this is me. 

How ridiculous that I haven't posted this photo to social media because I can get into this pose deeper. I catch myself being self critical at times and my full extension in this pose wasn't captured, so I wanted to wait.... & now that I have to wait, I want nothing more then to appreciate the place my body was at this sunrise shoot THEN. After flying for 16hours, meeting Jewels at the airport who arrived from Maui, the long awaited goddess adventure had begun. First stop was Thai Food (naturally) and our first song on the island was the Work, Work, Work, Work, Work ~ ultimate girl power song. Fitting, really.  Energy exploded out of our hearts as we drove through quiet, dark, windy towns until we finally came upon the hidden Hawaiian street without a name. With excitement and butterflies in our stomach, the car brights on and kind of gunning the gas because... Well,  have you ever drove on Hawaiian unpaved roads? You have to gun it. We drove through the windy road for miles, equally curious as to what everything will look like when we wake up, I slam on my breaks + shriek. GIANT MOVING SHADOWS! WTF! "oh it's a family of pigs!!!! Yes!"  Animal totem vibes and Pele welcoming us. Laughing our asses off at this point because we were equally borderline terrified so now it's fucking hilarious.

 The perfect beginning.

Making tea while falling in love with the cutest air bnb ever, we make sure to wake up for sunrise. Walking outside to the fruit farm, following the trails to the acres of organic, fresh fruit. We have open range to forage our citrus breakfast. Life on the farm with my adventure partner, Jewels. The sun shining down on us, a cute kitty greeting us, beautiful scenery and every fruit you can imagine. Things you probably can't even imagine. Astounded when I realized a pineapple grows in the middle of a bush! Mind.Blown. Papaya, orange trees, clementine trees, coffee beans, kale and macadamia nuts. Plus a plethora of more that weren't ripe and that I couldn't in my wildest dreams guess. This trip is powerful, I can feel the magick infusing every single moment. Brewing fresh coffee and driving to a little beach nook that I fell in love with last time I visit. As we arrived to shoot for yoga, feeling stiff, sleepy but extremely happy Even without a normal morning practice, something out of the ordinary to just hop into poses. But we had things to do, like snorkeling and hiking. The trip had just begun. 

Looking back it only makes sense that I wasn't fully open in this posture. It being the morning after traveling & not practicing. Six months ago this photo wasn't "good enough" for me.... and now I love everything about it. I am proud of my working and able body that was able to rock this pose on uneven, slippery and sharp rocks. Bad Ass. 

At the end of the day, I am thankful for my perfectionist tendencies, as they help me strive to constantly challenge myself. But I am also grateful that I have a new understanding to appreciate where my body is without hesitation. This quote by Sri K. Pattabhi Jois relates to more then just physical asana. I understand this message on a whole new level. Practice honoring exactly where you are, without being attached to an outcome. You are perfect in every moment. 

"Practice and all is coming." -Sri K. Pattabhi Jois

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Grow through what you go through

At the end of the day, yoga is only a tool we can use to facilitate healing. And only as much healing as we allow ourselves to feel at the time. You could be a yogi like I was, and use yoga as a crutch to get over everything. Then one day when an injury causes a major halt in your asana practice and you can’t flow through your feelings, your healing stops. Life gets the better of you. You can still practice mindfulness but it doesn’t have the same affect as a sweaty, hard vinyasa practice.. for the time being at least. You see, when I believed everything was falling down around me and the car accident was the original domino that caused the downfall, the universe was actually aiding in my growth. It was taking away the things I used to get over problems and forcing me to "sit with the shit” so to speak. During this time I found my love of art again, and how healing creating art with colors may be. I rekindled my love for creating self portrait photography, bike riding and drawing. At first I was discouraged because I HAD to use my self timer and tripod. But now, I see how being forced to come back to the basics for me in self healing has strengthened my roots to withstand stronger storms. Even though I've known this entire time... the fact that I've been growing, its been hard to visualize. But by creating art and honoring the exact moment I'm in now I can stand back against the wind  and smile as I don't have to take as quick of cover. Mindful Resilience. 

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Why do I want to teach yoga.

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Why do I want to teach yoga.

A journal entry I was asked to write during my first day at YTT with YogaCara Global. 

 

4/13/15 

Why do you want to teach yoga? 

I want to BE THE CHANGE. To inspire others to be the best version of themselves. TO teach our younger generations knowledge that will instill life lessons for our collective greater good. To empower others so they say...HEY! Because of *YOU*, I DIDNT give up! To show others how capable they are. To allow students a safe place of solitude, to totally connect with each other and with their inner soul purpose. To enable, enhance and continue to manifest greater good in everything.

I remember Shioban Keely, my Asana yogacara teacher trainer at Kalani, telling us that the answer to this question would change many times over our teaching career. It would expand, eventually mirroring the ebb/flow of your teaching style and intention. Curious to see the changes, and the similarities, I answered this question before I read through my first answer written a year ago. 

4/29/16

Why do I want to teach yoga?

 To inspire each person who steps on their mat, to empower from within, and allow my students to find new strength and balance on/off the mat. I wish to give troubled individuals positive tools to replace addictions, or negative habits with positive practices. I am guided to share these practices with the delicate minds of our future generations, and plant seeds of positive intentions in the hearts and minds of our youth. To be the powerful change I wish to see in the world. To facilitate healing on all levels, to every individual. Allowing tribal dance, guided movement and pranic force to be ever-changing throughout each of my classes. 

 

 

 

 

I really love the simitry and balance of these posts. A year later, still on the same path, with the same collective ideals. I know that my journey will be an ever flowing path full of light and love. I know that the seeds I am planting in the universe during each class, will blossom and bloom -- overflowing the world with good intentions. This path is mine to trek. it's mine to dance from one star to the next. 

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